Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize