So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
