anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
