i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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