Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
