then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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