So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
