don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
