Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
