and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
