Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so let's talk penis.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
