I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
