I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
