Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
