I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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