I've blown a few things in my day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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