my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
