I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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