I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
