FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
