Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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