Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
