she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
