if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
