Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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