so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
