I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
