she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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