Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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