who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
