he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
