So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't notice because vodka
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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