wanna go halves on a baby?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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