i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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