He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
