I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
