i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
