She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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