Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
