Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
