***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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