Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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