god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
