Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
