do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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