one might say we're banned from that church
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
BRING THE BAGELS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
