I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
