Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize