I cannot find my penis.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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