Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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