I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize