By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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