he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
