Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
