Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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