If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
