you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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