Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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