She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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