Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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