you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
