i just made my gag reflex go away.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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