if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
