Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
