She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
