Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
