she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
